Believe it or not, but my
journey towards becoming a cyclist was
initiated by the New York City Marathon. After I had retired from
competitive running in 2002, I received an e-mail from the elite
athlete coordinator of the New York CIty Marathon (David Monti) in
April 2003. David invited me to run the elite women's race of this
top-3 marathon in the world. Flight, accommodation and food paid for
with access to the NYRRC hospitality suite. Every year at the ING New
York City Marathon, 50 women are selected to start the 26.2 miles
through the Big Apple's five boroughs 35 minutes ahead of the other
33,000 marathoners on Verrazano Narrows Bridge in Staten Island. I was
one of the 50 chosen women that were presented this privilege. The
offer was very tempting also especially because New York was my
favorite running event on earth (I had watched the race in 1993 and
participated in it in 1996, winning the junior category in 3:18:30 hrs.
at age 18, never having run more than 10 miles before in my life).
However, I did hesitate for half a day to think about the opportunity
and decide if I was willing to return to full-on training and prepare
for my first serious marathon.
Lilli-Hammer would not be called Lilli-Hammer if she didn't take up
this challenge, the "NYCM03 Mission Possible", and go for it. So I
started training again... but things continued where they left off
before I quit athletics: Injuries. Right off the bat I caught more
injuries to my muscles (strains and pulls). I had to find another way
to gain fitness. What about cycling? I had used training on a
stationary bike sporadically for years prior as a runner, and cycling
had only had a great effect on my power levels as complimentary
exercise. I had ridden a bike many times in my life before, always
using it as transportation means or as short-term intense training for
running. However, I had only covered distances over 30km about 3 times
in my life with 50km being the absolute maximum imaginable distance on
a bicycle.
I bought my first-ever road bike and took it straight out to the black
forest and French Alsace regions to ride it for 192km at an average
speed of 27km/h through rather hilly and windy (mostly head wind)
conditions. The final 10km I had to ride one-handed as I had pinched a
nerve in my neck and could barely handle the pain in my shoulder and
arm. A week later I went on to the Alps for a month-long training camp
at altitude with my Irish friend and fellow former Boston University
runner Rosie "Guinness" Ryan. My first alpine mountain passes such as
the Fluela Pass and the Bernina Pass followed. No problem. Cycling was
a sport that I had viewed as "even worse than running", but my step on
a road bike started to make me think otherwise... "maybe I should try
out cycling??", I thought to myself high up in the Swiss Alps pedalling
up and down in preparation of the New York City Marathon....but then I
could start running a bit again and I put my new road bike aside, where
it stayed and dusted from the summer of 2003 until spring 2004.
Forgotten
were the two wheels... UNTIL... my activities as a product tester for
Nike USA turned me into a running invalid. I had been sponsored by Nike
for seven straight years as a runner. After I quit competitive running
I became a product tester for the company, test wearing and writing
reports on shoe prototypes that later made it - or not - on the
international athletic shoe market. One shoe I tested never made it
onto the market...with a reason. The shoe's severe instability and soft
ride inflamed my plantar tendon and caused a calcification at the
insertion into my calcaneus: a heelspur, a chronic injury. And the
cycling story continued...
For the
first time ever since I left the European continent in 1998 to
study on the American continent, I was not happy to return to the
United States after the summer break 2003 which I spent backpacking
Europe for a month with tent, sleeping bag, and an Interrail train
ticket. I rounded up the European summer in the Swiss Alps training for
the New York City Marathon for a month. After 4 years in the U.S. and
the completion of my athletic eligibility in the NCAA system, I had had
enough of the country. I was ready to leave and open another chapter of
world and life discovery. However, I was stuck at the University of
Arkansas for yet another year that I was missing to finish my graduate
degree (MBA) at the Sam M. Walton College of Business... or so I
thought... UNTIL...
One day in October 2003 I was walking through the undergraduate floor
of the College of Business when a display of images from places all
over the world with flyers hanging everywhere caught my eyes. One flyer
with letters that I deciphered as "Study abroad in FRANCE","spring
semester", "also for MBA students!" struck me in particular. I thought
to myself: "France? For MBA students? I am an MBA student! And I want
to leave the U.S.! France? Why not study abroad at home in Europe? I
want to move to... FRANCE!!!". Roughly two seconds later I found myself
in the computer laboratory e-mailing both the study abroad contact
person and my MBA director.
Less than four months later I packed all of my belongings and left the
American continent... 5.5 years after I entered it as a pure German,
pure runner and straight out of German high school. I returned to
Europe as a German only on the face of my passport, as an ex-runner,
with one university degree (BSBA) in the pocket and another (MBA) in
smelling distance. Even though I was tired of living in the U.S., it
was very hard to leave. I had spent some incredible years in the United
States, years that left deep marks on me as a student, athlete and most
importantly person. I learned and experienced a lot during those 5.5
years. But I was out to add more to the learning experience which I
could only do somewhere else in the world. Toulouse, France was my next
chosen destination for this endeavor.
February 11th, 2004: My last contact as a visa holding resident in the
U.S.. February 12th, 2004: Return to the Roots in Stuttgart, Germany.
February 15th, 2004: Move onto a new international but inner-European
chapter. February 16th, 2004: Arrival at the business school (ESC) in
Toulouse, France. February 18th, 2004: First day of classes as a
German-origin U.S. exchange student at the ESC Toulouse.
As I was
injured once again
when I moved to France, I remembered my
road bike that I had bought the summer before; it had long been
covering itself with dust in our basement in Germany. France. Isn't
France home of the world's most famous cycling stage race? Isn't France
supposedly the home of cycling? Maybe I should take my road bike with
me to Toulouse and hop back on it... It was fun last summer, maybe I
really should try it?!?! Maybe there are cycling clubs in Toulouse that
I can join to have some training partners?
Shortly after I arrived at the business school (ESC) in Toulouse, I
started cycling once a week and began to look for clubs in the area on
the internet. I found two clubs, US Colomiers and GSC Blagnac, that
seemed like what I was looking for. I contacted both clubs via e-mail
but no response. No, I told myself, I am not giving up on my cycling
idea just yet...
During my online search I stumbled across the website of someone named "Marion Clignet".
I had never heard of her but I quickly realized that she was something
very special in the sport of cycling not only in France but in the
world. Looking at her palmarès, I was extremely impressed: 6
times
world champion, one world record, two Olympic Silver Medals, and many
more heavy metals hanging down her neck of glory not only in athletics
but far beyond the cycling track. It wasn't simply her athletic
abilities that inspired me immediately. The more I researched her name
online and the further I got to know her in person later on, the more I
was thinking "WOW....!!!" in disbelief and utmost respect. What an
incredibly strong character overcoming odds of all sorts and keeping
such a pure personality full of honesty, sincerity, and firm connection
to earth.
Less than 24 hours after I e-mailed Marion to ask about
clubs in the area (she is from Toulouse), I received a response. I
became member of her club CA Castelsarrasin soon after and we became
friends in no time. Marion had retired from cycling after the Sydney
Olympics but then returned to have one last shot at an Olympic Gold in
Athens. I had the honor to get a first-hand view on her difficult quest
in 2004, received immediate reports all the way from the World Track
Championships in Melbourne through her last-ever race, the Giro
d'Italia. It was terrible to witness such cycling greatness struggle in
situations she never had to face before...being beaten by others,
having to realize that her mind was impreding her body; that it was not
quite as strong as it used to be; and that things were not quite going
like they used to go. It was rough to watch from the outside, not being
able to help but only try to send e-mails of encouragement.
After the Giro d'Italia and her final retirement, I asked Marion if she
was willing to coach
me. Our athletic cooperation began in September of 2004. Our teamwork
has not ended since and I do not intend to ever terminate it from my
part. You learn the best from the best, especially from someone like
Marion. So in September 2004 my serious cycling journey was bound to
begin, shifting to second gear on a hopefully straight highway with an
attitude that I learned from even more equally special and inspiring
individuals that I was fortunate to cross paths with: The Kenyans!
Shortly after the completion of my exchange semester in Toulouse with
an MBA diploma in my pocket I packed up my belongings and moved for the
5th time in 7 months... this time from France to yet another and new
destination: Great Britain. I spent the summer 2004 doing an internship
at PACE
Sports Management
(formerly knowns as KIM) in the Western outskirts of metropolitan
London, the modern melting pot on European soil. PACE is one of the
leading athlete management agencies in the sport of Track &
Field.
It represents world class athletes from around the world, negotiating
contracts, managing athletes' lives, training, and racing during the
European season with base in London. The majority of PACE athletes are
distance runners from East Africa, mostly Kenya. World Champions are as
common to find on the PACE roster as Olympic Champions.
During my
internship I was living together with the athletes managed by PACE. My
roommates' names, countries of origin, and specialty T&F events
were changing every other week or day; athletes coming and going from
and to T&F meetings, coming and going from and to their native
countries. Most of the time I was living with Kenyans. If you live and
work so closely with those world-class athletes from countries the
small and myopic cycling world could only dream of getting to know, you
get a very good inside view not only on the lives of those - to us
Westerners - exotic athletes, but the lives of them as humans, as
Kenyans, as Jamaicans, as Rwandans, Tanzanians, Grenadans, etc.... I
had many very interesting conversations with my diverse roommates, the
Kenyans in particular. I had the chance to be part of their lives and
Europe-imported Kenyan customs such as Ugali and brown sugar with tea.
This 2-month-long
experience with PACE left a deep impression on me. I learned a lot from
my dear Kenyan friends, from their attitude towards athletics and life.
The more perspectives you get to know, the more they change yours and
open up and expand your personal horizon. You always learn the most
from people that are different from you, that come from different
ethnical backgrounds, and lead different lives. One very special Kenyan
I learned from was Sally Barsosio. The both of us have been friends
since 1993 where we met before the World T&F Championships in
Stuttgart. Back then we were little 15-year-old girls speaking only
limited English. Language differences, however, were no boundary for us
to communicate and begin a new cross-cultural friendship. Sally and I
met four times since 1993: at the World Cross Country Championships in
1997 and 2000 where we both represented our countries of origin...very
different countries of origin; 2004 I came watch the World XC
Championship and cheer on my former runner peers but still-friends from
all over the world, Sally included.
Later on in the same
year I did my internship at Sally's management agency in London. So one
day in 2004 those two shy little and so different looking girls with
broken English from 1993 got reunited. Sally and I shared an apartment
with two other Kenyan runners (two-time World Champion Richard Limo was
one of them). For the first time in 11 years Sally and I got to talk,
REALLY talk... in fluent English and without shyness as grown-up (at
least physically ;-)) women. It was so good to talk to Sally about
everything. From her I learned a lot as well about her attitude towards
running, towards life, and how to keep confident and relaxed despite
passing through rough times with less success. Before Sally and I
parted again for we don't know how many years, we made a deal. In a few
years we will see whether the two of us could keep our promises! :-)
Richmond
Park, London/GBR, July 2004:
There I was lying as horizontally in the ditch as my bike next to me.
Frustration. Pure frustration and exhaustion. Something had to change,
I had to change something. Things don't always just happen, you need to
make them happen! Proaction was the call of the day for me...
"You will feel it
when you are ready!". These were the words Marion (Clignet) had written
to me some day in the summer of 2004. At that time, I was training a
bit on the bike, had gotten a first taste of cycling in the spring in
France participating in a few regional-level women's races. I was
hesitant, very hesitant to decide what I should do. Should I try out
cycling? I knew one thing: Either I would do it all, or nothing at all.
No half things, that's not Lilli-Hammer style.
In all of 2004 I was a "burnt child", very burnt from my life-long
experiences as a runner. I got so much out of running, so many doors
had been opened up to me through my capacities as a T&F
athlete,
and I do not want to miss any of those experiences for nothing in the
world. However, I was also quite traumatized in a way. I was very
burned out when I quit the sport in 2002. I had zero intentions
whatsoever to ever return to competitive athletics. I had a party in
Arkansas the day after I retired from running. I was so relieved it was
over. I managed to close the chapter forever that day. I never looked
back in regret. Track&Field is a wonderful, fascinating sport,
but
it was not meant to be my sport as an athlete as I realized after 20
years of competing in it.
During my initial steps into the sport of cycling in early 2004, I
found myself very timid, very hesitant, very fearful. On the one hand
cycling attracted me a lot. I had this certain gut feeling that this
may be it... this may be the sport I should pursue. I really enjoyed
cycling along the French roads around Toulouse...alone...discovering a
new world - both the world of cycling and the world of the South of
France. However, at the same time I was so extremely afraid I would
start hating cycling like I hated running in the end of my career. I
did not want to hate cycling. I was afraid I would start hating cycling
when I started competing in that sport... so I wasn't very keen on the
idea to compete. Once OK to see. Maybe once or twice more to further
see but no, that's enough for now. I wanted to prevent myself from
hating this new, so fascinating-looking sport. So I only competed in a
few cycling races in 2004. I was too afraid the same thing would happen
in cycling as in running: Hatred of interval training, hatred of
competition. No, I did not want to go through the same in cycling as in
running... no, I was not ready to go for it and jump into the sport of
cycling in early 2004.
Marion knew what was going on inside me during all that time. "You will
feel it when you are ready (for cycling)!" were her words that have
been sticking to my head ever since. I will never forget those words
she wrote to me when I was in London working full-time as an athlete
manager intern cycling a bit along the way. Then came that day in
Richmond Park lying horizontally in the ditch next to the road on the
park's steepest incline... lying there full of frustration and
exhaustion, looking into the blue London summer sky. And I felt it! I
felt I was ready for cycling! So I started to make it happen...
All summer long I had been juggling full-time work with trying to train
on the bike. It didn't work. It was too much. Waiting for hours on the
cold morning ground in front of the Russian Embassy in Central London
to pick up visas for our PACE athletes gave my stressed body the edge
and damaged my immune system enough for me to not be able to train any
more. That day in Richmond Park I tried to do a workout...5 minute
intervals...no way...then I tried one-minute intervals... no way,
either... in the middle of the second interval I had to step off the
bike, threw it in the ditch and made myself follow it on the ground as
well... there I was lying on the grass next to both my bike and
fresh-smelling deer shit looking into the sky thinking...thinking
hard... no, this couldn't go on! I had to change something. If I really
wanted to do this, I had to change something. DO I want to do this? DO
I want to ride a bike????
YES, I DO!
So I made it happen and asked my employers at PACE to let me leave a
few days earlier to go to Switzerland for altitude training before I
had my first race planned in Germany in the end of August. For the fall
of 2004 I had already set up another internship at Shimano in
Stuttgart. I was going to do a project in market research for Shimano
Cycling Wear that would last until December. But what would I do after
December 2004? I knew it now lying in the ditch in London's Richmond
Park: I would go for it all the way, take the risk, and concentrate
100% on cycling for 2 years. If I could prove myself, finance my life
as a cyclist, and - most importantly - love what I was doing, then I
would continue my journey as a professional cyclist... but how far this
journey would last, only the stars know. On that day I knew: I will do
this for 2 years. Whatever happens after, I did not know. So in
December of 2004 I packed up my belonging once again... to move to
Limoux, a small townn in the Pays Cathare in the French foothills of
the Pyrenees Mountains, and start my journey as a cyclist.
Life is short, too short, and you better get the most
fulfilling out of it! I do not want to look back later on and think "If
only I....!". I do not want to wait to have regrets. And I do not want
to be an ordinary person leading an ordinary life. The ordinary
depresses me. I was not ready to begin the ordinary life of an
MBA-trained businesswoman. No, that would mean death sentence to me. I
wasn't ready for death sentence at the young age of 26. I wanted to
experience as much as possible, as many exotic and out-of-the-ordinary
things as possible. I wanted to test myself and challenge myself, I
wanted to find what I was destined to do as a human. I felt like I left
something behind undone in sports. I knew I had athletic talent. I knew
I had more talent than what I showed in Track & Field. You can
only
reach your full potential in something you love. Maybe this love was
what I stumbled into in the South of France through a certain special
person named Marion Clignet??? I do not know. I had to go and try to
find out, I thought to myself... so I was bound to try out from
December 2004 on! And my cycling story still continued...
As you
have been able to
read prior, my odyssey into cycling is a long
story of coincidence, or maybe even destiny. I always like to say
"everything happens for a reason!". Sometimes the reason may be
invisible for a while, sometimes it is visible immediately; but its
visibility will come to the surface eventually and always.
Why Cycling? Good question. Well, on the one hand
I did not really choose cycling consciously. At least I did not choose
those crazy chain of coincidences to happen which in the end led me
into this sport. On the other hand, I did choose cycling. I did choose
to give it a try, give it a go and go for it all the way.
I think cycling is a very fascinating sport - not only competitive
cycling but also just pedalling along as a cyclotourist. On the bike
you can cover so much distance with ease... or without ease, for that
matter, if you choose to ride up the Alps, Andes, Himalayas or ride in
Holland in the crosswind. ;-) On the bike you can dive into the world
without filter. You are right in it, deep to the bone. You experience
the nature, the weather, the culture first hand. You get to see so many
places because you can cover so much distance (as compared to running,
for example). You can live out your freedom, the most precious
privilege of humankind, to the fullest. Cycling is a sport of pure
adventure, discovery, freedom, and independence.
Cycling pursued as competition adds a completely new and other sphere
to the sport. I have been quite impressed, sometimes overwhelmed, by
how many different skills and capacities one needs as a competitive
cyclist. You need to be absolutely fearless, courageous on the bike.
You need to be able to handle the machine like it was part of your
body. You need to have feeling for the bike and your pedal stroke. If
you know how to ride a bike and handle it, it is like poetry. It is all
about feeling, fine feeling. You need to have a seventh sense,
too....for so many different things: for your bike, for yourself and
your physical capacities, for the peloton, you need to foresee what's
happening on the road both in terms of traffic & the other
riders,
you need to read competitors, you need a sense for speed, space, and
bike behavior in dangerous moments. You also need to be able to keep
calm in dangerous situation. Cycling is dangerous, many have died in
races or training. You need to be able to move inside a narrow field of
far over 100 aggressive cyclists. You need to fight for your position.
And the list of skills to have as a successful cyclist is by far not
complete...
One of the
most important skills to have as a (road) cyclist - which may be the
most important and also hardest of all to obtain for many - is to be
selfless. Cycling is a team sport. You cannot achieve anything as a
lone fighter. You are dependent on your teammates and they are
dependent on your support. One for all and all for one. If that
equation is out of alignment, you may as well stay off the bike. I have
seen some incredibly selfless riders in the sport of women's cycling. I
respect those the most. True champions are the ones that are selfless.
The events I enjoy the most in cycling are time trials and the pursuit
(both team and individual). The equipment, the speed, the merged unit
of rider and machine... it so is poetry if you watch a real time
trialer or pursuiter. Just watch Judith Arndt or Sarah Ulmer ride a TT
bike and you will know what I am talking about... it is just you and
your machine against the watch. It is pure. No room to hide. Pure
revelation. It is pure elegance. It is pure power. And the sound of the
disc wheels speeding along... WOW!